Sunday 26 June 2016

Sunday Meanderings

A day with no rain is a good day. So today was a very good day. Not a drop came down. I tell you, we've had our fair share lately and so has everybody else it seems. Yesterday we got a little bit but not a lot. It was mostly big rumbling thunder. I figure whoever lives up there is doing some major renovations or shuffling all their furniture around to create a new look. That must be why it gets so noisy down here.

Sure is quiet with just me and Pumpkin at home. Andree is building memories on a mother-daughter trip to the Maritimes. I am really happy for her. What a treat!

I kept myself pretty busy all day. I did take time to do some writing this morning which was super nice to do. Then I spent most of the morning trimming and cutting broken limbs off our two maple trees out front. There was more to do than I thought. Took a while to do the cutting then hauling it all to the town disposal place.

After that I attacked the ant nests that are all over our lawn with a second round of chemicals. I thought maybe I had the problem licked after my first go at them last night but there was still some running around in those huge mounds of dirt this afternoon. If I don't get this under control they are going to walk away with our whole house soon. I never like killing things but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Pumpkin thought she'd stay out of harms way and keep an eye on things to make sure I did a good job.


Cooked myself a good supper tonight out on my back yard fire pit. Only when it's pouring out do I eat inside now that summer is here. I never stay in the house any longer than I have to.


I did a few more things after supper then I went for a walk on the side road heading North out of town. Walked to the canal and back and that was it for tonight. Already had a lot of steps under my belt with all my activities of today.


I kind of defeated the benefit of my exercise when I decided to head out to town for a soft ice-cream after. Oh well, all in all, it was a pretty good Sunday.

Saturday 25 June 2016

Warning: Not a Short or Light Read

Pissed Off

The other day someone came to see me and my session with him left me with a bag of mixed emotions that I’m still trying to swim my way through and decipher.

The first thing he told me when he came in was that he was covered by Blue Cross. I informed him that how it works with Blue Cross is that clients pay me directly, then they submit their receipt for reimbursement.

His face fell. It was obvious he didn’t have the funds but it was also obvious he wasn’t in a very good place emotionally.

“Have a seat,” I said. “We will go ahead anyway.”

I saw him for 1.5 hours and eventually I was able to calm him down enough so he could talk but it was difficult to get information from him. He was experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety and jumped from one thing to another never finishing what he had started saying, leaving me to fill in the blanks and connect the dots. But, eventually pieces of the puzzle started to drop into place and it soon became evident that the client I was dealing with was a perpetrator.

My mind flashed back to my training when we were asked, “What kind of clients do you know you won’t be able to work with?” My answer - someone who commits sexual crimes.

Now that person was sitting in my office, in the safe space I had created for him so he could trust me enough to open up and I was sitting with the knowledge that I would have to tell him I wasn’t the right person to help him. I wondered how I would do that when I didn’t have much to offer him to reach out for and grab on to because there was no where to send him to get the immediate and long term help he needed.

A strange mixture of anger, frustration and a deep compassion mixed with a desperate need to understand and make sense of things was bubbling up inside me. I was filled with a combination of opposites each fighting to hold their ground and come out on top.

My brain was trying hard to understand and make sense of how a person can do to others what others did to them, mixed with a genuine compassion for this man’s pain as he sat in the chair in front of me nervously running his hand back and forth through his hair, trying hard to hold back the tears escaping from his eyes and to hide the pain written all over his face.

I wanted to hold the 12-year-old boy who had been sent to a someone who would teach him a lesson and make him tow the line and who sexually assaulted him to make sure he learnt the lesson well. I congratulated the adult for having survived, for having come this far, and for seeking help now and I encouraged him not to give up. But I was pissed too!

Pissed at the gall-damn abuse and the cycle it often perpetuates, the hurt and harm it causes, and the many lives left drowning in a slew of guilt, shame and inner turmoil. 

Pissed that it sometimes takes years and years to reach out for help from something that should never have happened in the first place. 

And pissed that unless a person has enough money to pay for services themselves, they fall through the cracks because centers like PACE and Mental Health are too full, employees are over worked and over scheduled, and the waiting period is often months and months long. 

And, when a person finally does get in, they will likely get bounced around from one person to the next every time they go in.

Yet, I knew I wouldn’t be the best person to help him. I could receive his pain in the moment, but I had to refer him on, encourage him to not give up in reaching out and pray that he would find the help he needed.

That the journey to healing can be so difficult and that it causes so much pain to a person and to others along the way also pisses me off and leaves me reeling with a mixture of emotions. 

Life can be hard sometimes.

Tuesday 21 June 2016

Bing, Boom, Bang!

We're having a lot of light flashes followed by a lot of rumble out here tonight. No water yet, which is a good thing. There's enough for now. Storms are interesting. Don't you think? I like watching the excitement. Pumpkin, on the other hand, hides under the bed until the racket is good and stopped.

At least I got to cut the grass and hill the potatoes tonight so if the rain starts coming down again, at least that's done. I even found a few radishes that were ready to eat. Hmm, they're so tender and tasty when they're fresh out of the garden. Can't wait for those carrots and peas.

I also got to cook hamburgers on our outside fire pit for supper. They were scrumptious. Beats a restaurant burger any day.

Following supper I went for a 10 km bike ride in and around town. Stopped a few times to snap some pics and feed the horse out at the fair grounds. He's such a handsome looking fella. I love the smell of horses and petting their soft nose. It's been ages since I've ridden one though. Miss that.

He kept me busy giving him treats of fresh grass from the other side of the fence.

A model of the first chapel from 1917-1922  in my  home town.

Strawberry Moon

At 11:30 pm Andree and I jumped in the pick-up truck and went for a drive out of town to get an unobstructed view of the Strawberry Moon. It was well worth it. What a gem! I was in communion with my friend Barbara. Her and I shared many a conversation about our mutual love for the moon.


Can  you believe it? 11:30 at night and we could have drove around without our headlights. It was still that bright out there.


And sunrise is at 5:00 am but it's light way before the sun is actually up. I love the longest day of the year. I would love for it to stick around for about 6 months. I'm a light seeker/sun worshipper type of gal.

Last night we were out by the dam around dusk. Lucky us, we saw a deer, a moose and then this big Blue Heron showed off with a pose before he set sail into the big blue yonder.


We had a wonderful fun filled day in nature with friends then all these animals coming across our path in the evening was what's called "the icing on the cake." 

Saturday 18 June 2016

Stay at Home Day - Almost

Journal Entry -  Saturday, June 18/16 9:40 am

It's amazing out here on my back deck. I'm sheltered from the wind, which isn't even all that bad this morning, plus the sun is out in full force and beaming down on me. Could a person ask for more on a day off? I think not.

I'm sitting with a cup of Alpine Berry tea at my bistro table with my journal and pen. Pumpkin is stretched out under my chair, the only place she could find to grab a bit of shade.

The fountain up against the corner of the house is surrounded by various green grassy type plants and is giving me the illusion of being by water. Hanging just above the fountain is a huge basket arrangement of bright little yellow flowers that look like upside down bells.

It feels good to be writing. Where I go and what I do today is not dictated by schedules or "have-to's." It's my day to do as I please. The best way for me to enjoy a day off is simply to play it by ear.

I love days where I can make spur of the moment decisions based on what my intuition tells me to do or where I'm being guided to go. Those kind of days are the best.

I realize it can be hard for others when there's no schedule to follow but I'm so bound to time lines, appointments and schedules during the week that I feel like I've been let out of the box when there's a weekend with no solid boundaries and "have-to's" ruling my day.

I guess I'm a bit of a rebel that way, or maybe it's just the result of years of raising a family and having to work to earn a living. Or, maybe it has nothing to do with any of that and it's just part of life. Regardless of what it is, I think I could quite easily slip into a gypsy type lifestyle and love every minute of it.

It's been so long since I picked up my pen and journal that it's downright shameful. I'm kind of looking forward to what I believe will be a slower lighter client caseload over the summer months. I plan to do  a little bit of travelling and a lot more reading and writing to charge my batteries and rejuvenate my soul.

7:30 pm
It's been a super awesome day so far. Warm, sunny, relaxing and hardly any wind. But it looks like it may quickly be coming to an end. The sun just hid behind some thick black clouds and the wind is stirring the trees around like mad. I might have to go in and grab a blanket if I want to keep sitting out here.

Ok. Blanket employed. If I'm lucky the clouds won't let go and I won't get wet. The clouds are beautiful though. There are so many different shapes, sizes and colors and they move incredibly fast. It's like a tapestry of different artistic sculptures dancing above my head - a true magic show for which I have a front row seat.

10:30 pm
Well I had a chance to go for a 3 mile walk and a 10 Km bike ride plus eat supper outside, and do some cloud watching before the rain came so pretty good I'd say. I'm happy with that.

When it started spitting  and it was obvious the rain was coming, we jumped in the truck to go see Eric and Janine's new baby, Heidi. I got to cuddle the little doll for a bit. Newborns always smell so delicious.

Oh and yesterday, I was outside and I had to make a phone call but the wind was so bad I couldn't hear so I sat in the truck and miss Pumpkin  thought that was a great idea so she jumped in and settled in on the passenger seat.

Friday 17 June 2016

A Break In A Long Day

Rain, rain, and more rain! That's been the order of the day for the past week or more.

Today, I started work at 9 am which means, I had to leave the house by 8 am, which means I had to be up by 6:45 in order to shower, get dressed, have breakfast, prepare my files for the day and get my butt out the door. I finished work at 7:30 pm and got home at 8:30 pm for supper.

The good part is, I got a break at lunch time and, lucky me, the sky magically cleared up for about an hour or so. I didn't lose any time at all heading out the door and going for a walk alongside the river. Made my day!



Here's a picture taken a little further down on a sunnier day.


Tuesday 14 June 2016

Artistic Endeavors

I had a couple of breaks in my counselling day today and I took this opportunity to try my hand at some thing I was going to get someone else to do.

There's a huge blackboard (this one is actually green) in my new Falher office space and I was looking for a way to spruce it up a little. It's not quite what I had in mind but it's the closest I could manage with my limited artistic ability.




How fortunate I am to have such a beautiful and large space to work out of. That big window you see has a twin on the opposite wall and I absolutely love all the light that comes through.

When I work out of my Peace River office it feels so small in comparison. The window is small and has to remain partially covered to maintain the privacy of my clients, but in the end it serves the purpose too.

I can see more people now that my Falher location is accessible any day of the week.  Another thing to be grateful for.

Interesting Quote

"When you tell the truth, your story changes." Mark Matousek


I heard this about a month or so ago and I've been chewing on it ever since. Over time, I've come to the realization that this is true.

When I wrote my book, In Search of Oneness, I told the truth and my story changed.

Telling the truth, transforms.

It helped me stand outside my story and look at it from different angles.

It helped me claim my voice and morphed me into a place of deeper authenticity.


Monday 13 June 2016

Busy Weekend

Garage sale season is upon us. It seems every weekend there's a garage sale somewhere. This last weekend Andree and I helped some friends to organize one. It was a busy time from Thursday afternoon to Saturday at 5 pm. Fortunately, we were blessed with a reprieve from the rain on Friday and only intermediate showers on Saturday so all in all, I'd say we were lucky and did good.

Today pretty much disappeared by the time I made a trip to town in the morning then returned home to jump on the computer and work at booking a flight for a summer trip to Quebec city, a process that only took about 3 hours or so. Groan!

This was followed by a second trip to town to chat about those same holiday plans with my travelling partner and to locate my Fitbit which I lost on my first trip to town. Yes, I lost it and yes, I found it. Thank goodness otherwise I might of had a fit of my own after having already lost my bluetooth earbud last week.

It was around 4:30 or so by the time Andree and I returned home. As we were getting out of the truck to come into the house, I said to Andree, "How about we go have a wiener roast at Winagami Provincial Park?"

"When?" she asked.

"Right now," I responded.

Andree grabbed a can of beans, wieners, buns and drinks, I grabbed lawn chairs, firewood and roasting sticks and fifteen minutes later, we were on the road. On the way to the lake I sent a text message to our friend Marcel asking him if he wanted to join us for supper. The three of us had a grand old time sharing laughs, stories, memories and a short walk together.




Uhm, uhm, there's nothing like a simple spur of the moment picnic surrounded by nature, good company and the crackling and smell of a campfire to revive the soul!

Monday 6 June 2016

School Day Expressions

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I see 5 or 6 students at 2 different schools for half hour individual sessions.

Last week I asked the students who have anger or fear issues to use a piece of modeling clay to express what the angry or fearful creature inside them looked like.

They were happy to display them in a photo shoot once that creature came out of them.





Aren't they something? What does your angry or fearful creature look like?

Look! No Wind!

And when there's no hurricane blowing guess what?

It's the perfect time for a bike ride. And today was it! I didn't ride as far as I would have liked to mind you but nevertheless, I got to mount up and head out and still managed to do 18 km or so.

Man, have I ever missed it. My butt hasn't mind you. Takes a little while for the butt cheeks to get used to that narrow little seat. It's all worth it though.

It's nice to slow things down via the much slower mode of transportation that walking or biking provides. It forces the mind to slow down too. And Lord knows, I sure do appreciate those quieter moments.

I really hope this beautiful weather sticks around for a while.
Went to town and visited a friend.

Cruising down the highway.

A little tricky taking a selfie while riding.