Walk Along With Me

It's been a long time since I had a chance to take a walk in the great outdoors.

I wonder, when I retire, will it be easier to do the things I love doing or is it me putting sticks in my own wheels?

I used to say I'm taking a walk to the lake. Now I say, I'm taking a walk to the sewer lagoon.

No, I'm not kidding.

Not quite like walking along Okanagan Lake but good just the same and in some ways, much more peaceful.

My shadow is tall and so little. I think I like it better than my real self.

Next week I'll be taking a very different kind of walk with Josee as my tour guide in old Quebec city. Woohoo! That should be a fun walk and make for some very different snapshots too.

This little fur ball's mom and dad are coming back tomorrow and he gets to go home.

And this big fur ball and is going to be one happy camper! Maybe her nose will no longer be out of joint and she'll finally come down from the top bunk and join us again.

Did some research work and planning today for someone who wants to come and do a one week intensive counselling/retreat with me. Love that kind of work, which I'm thinking I might have already talked about in a previous blog.

Oh well, if that's the case, you get to read it again and that's okay. I'm not out for perfection here - or anywhere else for that matter.

Another busy week ahead of me right up until Thursday. On Friday a friend (who's 89) and I are off to Edmonton and on Sunday we board a West Jet flight to Toronto then on to Quebec city where we will spend 4 days visiting with her sister ( who's 93) and her niece Josee, (the tour guide I mentioned above).

I'm looking forward to this new adventure. Should be a blast!

I am thinking right now of the feedback I received from someone who just finished reading my book.

I always said if it speaks to, moves, or changes even just one person, it will make the whole experience of writing this book worth while.

My reasons and my motivation for sharing my story have been surpassed many times over.

I am humbled, grateful and respectful of the gifts it has brought me and others along the way.

What are the gifts it's brought me? Standing in my truth, speaking the unspeakable, awareness, letting go of, trusting, solidity, voice, normalizing, accepting, embracing, and of course, Oneness.

Plus, crossing another thing off my bucket list!

All In A Day's Work

It's been another busy day at work. Some pretty serious cases that are challenging to say the least and have me put all my skills to use that's for sure.

The day flew by and except for one hour for supper and one hour of yoga my evening was pretty much taken up with client files and paper work.

I love my job but I wish the day was over when I walk out of the office. I'd rather be writing or reading a book instead of sitting at the desk doing the part of my work I don't enjoy so much.

Yesterday, when I was on my way back from the pool, a huge deer with a one of the biggest racks I've ever seen was standing on the edge of the road almost close enough for me to kiss him. What a beauty he was and how fortunate we both are that he didn't decide to step over the yellow line as I went past him down the highway.

A few miles later, a red fox with a big bushy tail came dashing across the road in front of me and he too was a real beauty.

The animal cards talk about how the deer is there to teach us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings. Hmm...kind of what I do in my work all day isn't it?

The fox they say, has the ability to observe undetected, without making others self-conscious. Hmmm...isn't that what I do too?

And it goes on to say that Fox medicine teaches the art of Oneness. Isn't that what I wrote about in my book?

I think the Universe, the animals were trying to speak to me yesterday.

Meandering Through My Thoughts

Every day that starts off with a relaxation and writing time is a good day in my books. That was the kind of morning I had.

My first words of the morning in my paper journal were:

"A bit of sitting in my chair to write. Almost unheard of lately. Wish I had more time, yet I am absolutely grateful for the work I have at present. There's a lot of expenses to pay from now until the end of December.

It's such a good feeling to be able to get to my journal. I sure miss these kind of writing interludes. They don't seem to happen often enough lately.

I had a debate with myself just before I sat down to write. Both sides of the argument were pulling at my heart strings. Obviously the pen won.  My desire to go for a walk in the morning sunshine will have to wait."

And wait it did. When I finally lifted my pen from my journal, it was a couple of hours later and unfortunately by then, the sun had already disappeared. Time flies when I'm lost in thought and writing away.

***
So, a lady has contacted me to see if I would do a "counselling retreat" type of thing with her. She is looking for a place to get away, a time alone to work on her stuff, along with daily counselling sessions for about a week or so.

I was a little hesitant at first not knowing what her expectations of a retreat were but she assured me she is not looking for a "spa" type of thing. She wants a simple cabin type of setup, and someone to work with her to guide her on her journey.

Right up my alley. I love those kind of clients willing to spend the time needed to do their work. It's the best kind of scenario for them and for me to work with them.

In fact, I am thinking that at one point, I may switch my advertising to strictly doing that kind of intensive one on one work with individuals. It's the most rewarding kind of work situation there is. And of course, the goal of my work, as strange as it may sound, is always to work myself out of a job. It's to see my client walk away from me. To walk towards the goal they set out for themselves when they began to work with me.

Later this afternoon, I took myself over to the pool for a swim and a soak in the hot tub. Sure is far to go to a pool now that I've moved here but that's the way it is. Then I forced myself to  go do a bit of grocery shopping. Came home, had supper, answered emails and did more writing.Yup, a pretty good day I'd say.

***
Tomorrow, November 23rd, is the day my son died. It's been years and years since that tragic day and yet I never forget, (and never will), that day or his birthday.

Sacredness

What the heck? It seems I just blink an eye and it's been 5 days or so since I've been here again. Time slips by like sand in an hourglass.

I read something this morning that spoke about how when something is sacred you can't attach a value to it. It made me think about how true this is.

Some things cannot be bought, sold, or bargained for, nor can they be treated with disrespect or scorn.

When our land, our water, our resources, our children, our families, our environment and human life lose their sacredness where does that leave us?

So, we're still dog sitting. He's just getting way too comfortable. Don't you think?

Oh, and we got our new stove. Looks way better than the one with the blown out oven door we've been staring at for the past few weeks.

The beauty about this one is there's a corresponding number for the burner and the dial so my dyslectic mind doesn't have to stand there looking stupid trying to figure out which dial turns which burner on. Number one dial turns burner number one burner on. Easy as pie!

Texting

Somehow it was more fun to do it that way. Don't you think? The only part that wasn't fun is when it was intercepted by the teacher and read in front of the classroom. Yup. That part wasn't fun at all! 

The abbreviation LOL didn't exist back then either. A smiley face or a ha, ha, ha, is what we used.

Turn Over

What the heck? The day before I was washing my car, yesterday I was washing windows outside. It wasn't short weather mind you but it was a beautiful day with the sun shinning and not a cloud in the sky. I was loving and appreciating every minute of it and a darn good thing I did. Today, it's winter! Today, I'm thinking I have to go to the shed and dig out my shovel which is all dented and in rough shape from all the shoveling last winter.

Considering this is Nov. 15th and I live in Northern Alberta I guess I shouldn't complain. I've seen much worse that's for sure.

So, yesterday, as Andree was about to leave with the car, there was a faint mew coming from under the hood. Popped the hood and on the motor was sitting this little critter.

There's no doubt in my mind that he's a survivor. He has to be. His little brother or sisters were likely not so fortunate. They are still missing in action. I say he has to be a survivor because the farm the car was parked at is about 25 km from home and we only discovered him once we were home and that was only the next day. 

When we got home from the farm, Andree went to Peace River right away. She was there for 5 hours and then drove back home before she parked the car. That means that little guy went another 140 km. sitting on the motor. Then he stayed there all night long until we found him the next morning. Yup, he's a survivor alright.

So yesterday, was also the day we started dog sitting for the next two weeks. So I had this little fellow to look after too. 

Only they were both in distress, both missing their mommies, and both crying and whining at the top of their lungs. 

But I eventually got some warm milk into the kitten's tummy and managed to cuddle, soothe and calm them both down. That was fine for those two but Pumpkin sure had her nose out of joint with the intruders invading her home and me paying so much attention to them.

This afternoon I am going to a friend's house. I am also looking after his cat while he's away. I've looked after Minou before and unlike Pumpkin, he's quite the cuddly one. I will bring my book, go spend some time and have some snugglies with this guy later on today.

Well, it's time I get my butt off this chair and venture away from the keyboard. Might  be a good day to take out that flashy orange jacket and those winter boots I bought last week. Test out the new duds and enjoy the day before I head into another busy week.

Sustaining Wonder

A quote by Mark Nepo says, "Our aliveness depends on our ability to sustain wonder." 

I chose to focus on that today. It was easy to do. I had a day off and I was on the road.

On our two hour drive to Grande Prairie and the two hour drive back, (yes, I went to GP again), I had the perfect opportunity to observe the wonders of nature and to let myself drift into a state of wonder. 

I saw how the sun and the wind made the yellow stubble in the fields and the grasses in the ditches come alive. 

I marveled at the horses standing with their bums to the wind and their faces to the sun. 

The deer munching in the meadow. The cows gathered in a circle as if in session. 

The ravens sitting on the road until we were almost close enough to touch them before they flew away. 

The clouds that appeared to be shooting colored rays from the ground up reaching towards the sky - continuously changing colors as the sun made it's decent in the West and slowly said goodbye to the day.

Nature always invites me to be still and quiet, to listen and to observe. From this centered place, I feel life awakening within me and I realize that yes indeed, my aliveness depends on my ability to sustain wonder. 

Oh and part of the reason for returning to GP today is because the winter jacket I bought the other day, and paid a truck load of money for, didn't keep me warm at all on a short 10 minute walk in weather that wasn't even much below zero yet. So back to the store it went in exchange for another. This time a much warmer jacket and a much brighter color. No one is going to lose me that's for sure!

Now if only I could figure out a way not to lose myself I'll have it made.

A jacket with a built in GPS maybe?

Passion

Someone sent me a quote today that basically said; "Passion is what allows dreams to become a reality." Ain't that the truth!

Without passion my dream of writing a book would have never become a reality. Without passion my desire to do the kind of work I do would not have happened and I would not be where I am today. Without passion to follow my truth I would not be living the kind of relationship that is right for me. Without passion I would find it difficult to get up in the morning looking forward to my day.

Passion is filled with hope and excitement. Passion is the burning in my gut that won't allow me to give up or let go even if I don't know how I will get there. Passion allows me to enter the dream world and to believe in the power of possibility in making my dream become a reality.

My grandmother, at 16 years of age had a passion for painting. She never had any training, never took a class, never studied painting in any way. She just let her passion guide the way.

Crazy Week - Expensive Weekend

Hoping to get back on track with writing and other things after a crazy busy week at the office plus a lot of hours that went into completing a contract job for an elderly person who had to relocate to Edmonton. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in a day.

Feels good to get back to writing even if it's just a few words here (blog) and there (journal) for now. I need/want to get to a long overdue hand written letter off to a friend in Armstrong.

Does anyone still do that - write letters by hand I mean? It seems to be a lost art. People look at me as if I'm from another planet if I say I'm writing a letter with pen and paper and posting it in the mail. Let me tell you something though.

Writing a letter the old fashion way feels much more real somehow. It comes wrapped in time, effort, attention, presence and love. When I write a letter by hand I feel like all of me goes into it.

When I receive a response and hold the paper the other person wrote on, it feels so much more personal. It's like the other person's spirit comes alive through the words on the page.

Besides, who doesn't like getting something personal and meaningful in a box full of utility bills and junk mail.

How easily I trail off and get off topic. I was writing about the crazy week and expensive weekend. Wasn't I? (That's the beauty of a blog or journal writing though. You can trail off whenever you want to wherever you want and it's all good.)

The expensive weekend. A trip to Grande Prairie and a shopping spree. A long list for Costco, where we always end up with a few more items in the basket then on the list plus some badly needed and long overdue winter wear. The last winter jacket I bought myself was when I had little kids at home and my youngest is now 36 so that ought to say something.

We also found a coat for Andree who was in desperate need of one too. Plus I went a step further (pun intended) and bought myself a pair of winter boots! Having spent all of last winter with a pair of boots someone lent me because she didn't want to see me freeze my feet, I figured it was time I did something about that too. They are not the prettiest things but they are supposed to keep me toasty warm to -32.

And how nice it was to just get away and not do anything work related. Andree got herself a pedicure and I got my face waxed to get rid of my beard. We went out for supper, took in a movie, shopped and had a sleep over at Andree's daughter's place. Yup, I'd say it was an expensive but hell of a good weekend. Thank you for that.

Who me? I didn't do it!

What do you mean you want this chair?

Being Human

On a personal level, many things that have happened lately have made me realize more and more that "the spiritual work of being human is learning how to love."

Loving through the good times and loving those who love us is the easy part, but loving when love is not reciprocated, or loving through adversity is when the real challenge of being human comes into play.

When I reflect on the people who have the strength to walk through my office door to seek help with the issues they are facing, I can pretty much say the issues, in some way shape or form, have to do with love.

Not feeling loved, now knowing how to love, love being withheld, losing the love they had, wishing they had loved more or been able to express it more, the mistakes they've made when it comes to love, the lessons they've learned or what they feel is the lack of love in their life.

It's all part of being human and our journey in learning how to love.