Good Morning Sunshine!

For me there's nothing like looking out and seeing these bright smiley little faces swaying in the wind. They bring me such joy with their burst of life and color. Doesn't take much to make me happy.

Yes, there's more than one and yes, they are actually more than 10 feet tall!

For Andree, there's nothing like a fresh perked coffee on our backyard campfire. 

According to her it's the best coffee you could ever get your hands on. And that statement was quickly seconded by our next door neighbor.  

I wouldn't know. I've never even tasted that stuff. For me it's a cup of Alpine Berry Tea from Two Leaves and a Bud Company. Hmm, hmmm...so good. Yup, we have a pretty simple kind of lifestyle us two.

Still sometimes we'd like to escape to a place where we could live even more simply. Where we could live even more solitude and peace. For us that would be a cabin in the middle of the bush where we could sit back, relax and drink in every precious little moment of the day.

Mind you we're pretty close to that here in this little village of 305 people. The only traffic in this town is people going to and from home, people going to school or to pick up the mail at the local post office. There is nothing else in town not even a grocery or convenience store. 

But, as I get older I realize more and more that peace is something we find within and not necessarily a place we need to move to.

Life Evolving

Sometimes life is far from easy. In fact sometimes, it's darn right hard.

It's one thing to go through difficulties myself. It's an entirely different story to be sitting in the background and watch my adult children go through the same, or very similar difficult situations I went through.

As my three daughters have grown and matured into the beautiful women they've become, each of them, at one time or another, has run into some difficult life situations, issues, learning's, or time of transition. It's not easy knowing I can no longer apply a band-aid, kiss it away, or hold them tight and make it all better.

I used to be able to do that for them when they were small and they were dealing with small things, but as they got older the small things became bigger things. And although in their heart they know I will always be there to love and support them through the hard times, I don't think they quite know (not yet) how difficult it can be to not be able to make it all better like I once could.

But that's part of life and as it should be, I think.

Now my daughters have children of their own and it's their turn to apply the band-aids, to comfort, to hold, to kiss it better and to wipe away the tears. But before long, they will be the ones standing in the background, loving and supporting wishing they could make it all better for their grown children.

Life has a way of moving forward and evolving that way.

Bits and Pieces

I need to write. I'm not sure what I need to write but I know I need to write. Bugs me this stage. I don't quite know what to do with it. Dwell on it and try to pull it out by bits and pieces or let it bubble to the surface and make it's way out on it's own.

It's like being in some kind of limbo, waiting, listening, anticipating a clear vision to come to me. But all I see is a blurry image I can't quite make sense of - a mirage in the distance that urges me to follow with the promise that I will find the answer to the vision I seek.

I can't sit still. That's one of the signs. I know this now. The need to keep moving is also the need to catch a better glimpse, to run ahead, to see clearer, to not lose the little bit I do see.

I wonder though if maybe I'm making things worse. Maybe I'm the one stirring the water and making everything blurry. Maybe what I need to do is still still long enough to let the water settle so the vision will clear. Then I can grab my pen and begin.

Getting Into Trouble

The month of August is always slow for my type of business and that's when it's dangerous for me to get into trouble. This August wasn't any different. So yesterday, I get up and decide, this is the day I'll start a grand scheme long term project idea. This time it happens to be painting the inside of our house.

I have been patching holes, sanding, patching more holes and sanding some more with the hopes that in the end, the place will look better than when I started. But by the time the sun started to say goodbye to the day, my arms felt like dish rags, and I hurt in places I didn't know I had, Then, when I looked at the dust and mess all around me, I found myself scratching my head and questioning my sanity for having started this at all.

Fortunately I have a stubborn streak inside me that won't let me abandon a project once it's started which is a good thing otherwise I'd be in even bigger trouble.

It might take a while working this in between other things I have on the go but as long as I get it done before the snow flies and the windows are frozen shut I guess it will be okay. I'm not very patient though so I don't think it will take forever. Besides I won't be able to stare at the white spots for very long before it drives me bonkers.

What's Cooking?

***Supper for one thing.

Got home at 7 tonight. Felt like a pioneer woman going to fetch wood and making a fire to cook my supper.

Of course I didn't have to go to the bush to find wood or rub two sticks together to get it going.

***It was great to see my daughter and my grand kids and be part of their lives for a little while, but it's also nice to come home and get back to doing my own things.

***I was thinking today about how people assume they know what's best for someone else and often base the decisions they make according to that assumption. Assuming -  not usually a good thing.

***What we think about is what we create is another thought that's been floating around my head today. I need to bring more focus on what I want to create next and I think I know what that is.

***Of course, August 25th always holds special moments where I have one on one time with someone who was very special to me. Happy Birthday son! It's hard to believe this year would see you as a grown man in your mid forties.

By the way, all three of your sisters could use a hand to get through some stuff these days. See what you can do will you. Love Mom

To The Market

We made it shortly after eight this morning, minus a teenager that is. My grandson chose sleep over our ungodly early venture out. Too bad for him he missed out on an awesome breakfast all made from home grown stuff.

What beautiful displays of fresh veggies and tons of crafts. I feel totally grounded when I visit Farmer's Markets. Brings me back to real life as compared to walking around a super market or mall.

Went back to my daughter's place, spent a couple of hours polishing up her kitchen, then went for a bike ride to Borden Park.

After supper I got another request. "Grandma, will you take us swimming again please?" How could I resist.

Different Times

A fun and productive day here in the city today. Cold as heck though. Fall is certainly in the air. Did I hear that some places got snow? That's a four letter swear word right now. Go away! Don't want to see that here for a while yet.

Bunked myself on the forehead today. (Don't even ask how. It's too silly to explain.) In no time at all I had a nasty looking little purple lump sitting just above my right eyebrow. It looked like I got stung by a bee or had a run in my the power brush for my vacuum.

I went to Audrey's book store downtown to bring them some of my books to sell on consignment. Ran around to different places looking for some stuff we need that we can't find in stores at home.

Right after lunch, I went shopping with my daughter and two grand children Cole and Sadie. Then I made a big supper for everyone, washed some windows and cleaned up a few things.

After supper my granddaughter and I went to the pool. We played catch in the water for a while, swam and played around a bit, then warmed up and relaxed in the hot tub for awhile.

I was hoping it would make my sore back completely disappear. It helped but I still very much know where it hurts.

I'll help a bit more around here tomorrow but the first plan of action is to go to the big Farmer's Market over on Whyte Avenue.

Planning to be there by 8 am if we can get these two teenagers to crawl out of bed at what they think is an ungodly hour to even open their eyes.

Ubuntu

Sometimes my heart hurts. 

Not because I don't love but because I love so deeply.

But that's okay. I'd rather feel deeply than to float aimlessly on the surface and never touch the depth of life.

I need for my fingers and toes to dig down deep below the surface.

I need to be immersed in life.

To be alive is to feel. And to feel is to be alive.

So, yes, sometimes my heart hurts because I love so deeply. For me there is no other way.

Ubuntu - "I am because you are, you are because I am...."

                                                           ~A deep African way of being.

Project Completed

I'm thinking ahead. It took two days of working at it off and on but we got her done! It might get cold and miserable outside but I'll be chasing old man winter away and keeping warn and snugly inside. I even chopped three boxes of kindling ready and stored in a dry place.

Finished just in the nick of time too. I was just putting my tools away when the thunder, lightning started and minutes later came a huge downpour. I pushed it a little and I was stiff and sore but darn glad that we persevered and the feat was done when I saw that storm coming through. Appreciated the rain though and what a gift it left us with. A double rainbow in clear view from arch to arch.

On a different note - 6 years ago today on August 17th, Mom took her last breathe. It was a very tough day. I still think of her often. Miss parts of her and wonder if parts of her miss me.

Every time I do a book reading, like I'm about to do again soon, I can't help but wonder if she shakes her head in disapproval and disbelief or if she's at peace and it finally doesn't matter anymore. I hope it's the latter.

Surprise!

Imagine my surprise when I looked outside this morning and saw a burst of yellow. I thought that 9.5 foot sunflower would just keep reaching for the sky and never make a bloom. I was as pleased as punch when I peeked out my window. I must say it looks kind of weird though. Such a huge plant with a tiny little flower at the very top.

It was an absolutely gorgeous day today and I loved every minute of it. Kept myself pretty busy mind you but I was outside most of the day and that's a plus.

Tonight we shared a delicious meal and a game of cards with some friends, came back home and worked on my project a bit more, then company showed up for a visit until 10:30 pm.

In the morning it's back inside for my sit down job. After that I can hopefully finish the project I started today. More on that tomorrow.

May Sarton - Mentor

May Sarton, (May 3, 1912 - July 16, 1995), an American poet, novelist and memoirist, is one of my favorite writers. I have all her books (except for her poetry) in my collection of "precious" books.

Her books are getting harder and harder to find. So, imagine my delight when I saw two of them sitting on the shelf at the Rabbit Hole, a second hand bookstore, I felt pulled to go visit when in Grande Prairie this week.

Did I come home with them? Of course I did. Did I already have them? Of course I did. What will I do with them? Give them away to someone who can appreciate them. If that's you let me know. I'll be more than happy to deliver or send them to you free of charge.

"Journal of a Solitude" - published in 1973, has an original price on it of $2.95 - imagine! The 2nd hand store was selling it for $6.25.

"The House By The Sea" - was published in 1981. Not sure what the original price was on that one but it was selling for $5.95.

Those are my two favorite books from my collection of her journals. Finding these treasures reminded me of how much I enjoyed them and I decided to dive into them again.

Here's her opening paragraph from her book, Journal of a Solitude.

September 15th.

Begin here. It is raining. I look out on the maple, where a few leaves have turned yellow, and listen to Punch, the parrot, talking to himself and to the rain ticking gently against the windows. I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my "real" life again at last. That is what is strange-that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened. Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid. Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone here and "the house and I resume old conversations."

That woman speaks my language. She normalizes what I have often felt, thought and lived and still do today. I need my time alone to extract the  most precious, to savor, absorb, fully appreciate and taste life.

Imitating Art.

This is the best picture of my often serious, task oriented daughter ever. Here she is - playful. Artistic. Expressive. Joyful. And totally in the moment. I just love it! 

Wouldn't it be fun to do this kind of thing everyday? Walk around the cities and take on the same poses as the statues and various pieces of art.

Here's a secret I haven't told anyone. I often wished I could of had a role in a play.I likely would have sucked at it though because I can't speak very loud and my voice doesn't carry worth a darn.

But maybe, just maybe with a hidden microphone I could have done something. 

Dreams. 

I wonder what this secret desire means? It likely has something to do with my insatiable need for self-expression. You think?

Passion Stirs

Passion - sometimes I'm burning with it and I don't know what to do with it. I look at this poppy, the first that came up and bloomed in the many I planted, and boom, there it is making me all bubbly inside.

It ignites my passion to live, to survive, to thrive, to come alive, to stand in my truth and to to find words to express myself and share that with the world

A flower, a poppy does that to me. So you can just imagine all the other things that stir me inside and want to make me burst at the seams.

I read this quote today and this too ignited my passion.

"Nothing can fill the emptiness that remains in a space vacated by a passion that we have tossed aside." Madisyn Taylor

When I fill my day with things other than my passion to write, at the end of the day I feel this emptiness.

What Could Be Better?

Yesterday, I rode my bike to the town of Guy (18km). Andree met me there and I loaded up my bike on the SUV. Then we drove to Five Star Golf Course.

Nope! I'm not a golf nut. Went to relax, write, sit by the river, go out for their special Hawaiian supper, then join the gang on the beach for an open fire and the 11 pm fireworks. It was fun.

We had planned to spend the night but in the end decided us two old ladies preferred sleeping in our own bed. By 12:30 we were under the covers and reading our books.

While I was there I sat by the Smoky River and wrote in my journal. Stuck my feet in the water and picked rocks.

And what a gorgeous day today. too. We have to appreciate those beautiful days while they last. Likely not too many of them left on the calendar this year.

This morning I had breakfast outside on the back deck as usual then settled down to write a letter to a couple of friends. After lunch I rode my bike to Falher (8km), so I could take a friend out and about in her wheelchair.

Went grocery shopping. Came home, pulled some fresh potatoes and beans out of the garden, barbecued a delicious steak and had a corn on the cob for dessert.

Should have walked 10 miles after that meal but I didn't. I did some social media stuff instead. Man that stuff can sure eat up your time in a hurry.

Once done with that computer stuff I made friends with our backyard squirrel. Cute little bugger he is! He ate his fill too after the treat I left him.

Gratitude for all these things and the ability to enjoy them. Much gratitude!

What Is He Going To Be?

Not sure which way my little grandson, Finn's interest are going to go.

Banana bread anyone? A baker maybe?

 He loves playing violin, drums, guitar, and trumpet. Now he's even got his own little break dancing routine going on. He's got the rhythm that's for sure. A musician? A dancer?

A rancher with a heard of cows?

Or a hobby farmer?

If you receive this post by email - you will have to go to the blog site to view the video above. Go to: http://loutoyou.blogspot.ca/

Mornings

Mornings are the best. I love to wake up to a new day and the possibility of what it holds. The known, the unknown, the expected and the unexpected. I feel alive and full of love. My creative energy and my emotions are like a drop of morning dew hanging on to the edge of a leaf, waiting with expectancy to let go and live the day.

Sometimes it's hard to tone down my inner kaleidoscope to try to be in sync with the lower energy of those who don't wake up like me.

Fell Through The Crack

I crashed yesterday, fell through the crack, so I'm operating in slow motion today. I wasn't too bad in the early morning up until lunchtime. After a morning visit to some friends, I came home to plan out how the rest of the day would unfold and suddenly realized nothing more was going to happen. I might of had all kinds of plans in mind for the afternoon but the Universe had it's own idea of what I would be doing.

The slight sore throat and heaviness of the morning turned nasty. I ached everywhere, my head felt heavy, then I started feeling chilled and feverish. We had several visitors drop by but they came to join me on the back deck where I spent the afternoon and evening sitting or lying in my lounge chair under a blanket even though it was sunny and 27 degrees.

Around 8 pm I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup, another Advil, snuggled under my blanket inside and settled into another chair to watch a few Netflix programs and by midnight I crawled into bed.

Today my head feels like a mushroom and my throat and ears are fighting for first place to get my attention and I'm doing my darn best to ignore them. Little buggers! I'll show them who's boss!

I had many plans for today as well but those took a U-turn too. My body is begging for attention so I haven't got much choice but to oblige. I hauled all my tools out on the deck with me. I've got my computer, my journal, phone, pens, water, blanket, pillow and music.  Looks like my lounge chair is where I'll spend most of my day again.

I have the sound of my fountain behind me, the wind rustling through the leaves, robins, squirrels and chickadee's chirping away. There's some fluffy white clouds performing some slow motion ballet to feast my eyes on and I have my cat to keep me company. What more could a person ask for? I love being outside. This in itself is enough to heal my body, mind and soul.

I'm glad I didn't feel this way on Thursday and Friday. We attended the wedding of my sister's grandson in Slave Lake, a town two hours from where we live. It was a beautiful, artistic, original, and personal wedding even with 120 people attending. The bride and groom are two compassionate, loving individuals who knew how to make their day special for them and everyone who attended.

The youngest in attendance was a 4 week old Mason and I got to cuddle with him for a while here and there.

We also took the time to go investigate Devonshire beach while we were there. I hope to go back one day before summer is over.

And this is pretty much the only thing I did today except for setting up my Author Page on Facebook, which you can visit at https://www.facebook.com/insearchofoneness and writing in my journal.